Murder by Heroin…


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Names have been changed to protect the friends and family of the victim…

I knew this girl once. She was amazing. Quite frankly, I was always kind of jealous of her. She of course had her own problems- mental instability and suicidal tendencies- but all together, she was one of the best girls I ever had the pleasure of knowing. Unfortunately, this girl lost her life just over two months ago, to an all-to-common murder weapon these days- Heroin.

If you google her name, you find her obituary. In there, you will not hear a single word about how she died, other than it was tragic and unexpected. Her picture shows up when you image search her name via Google images, but only 2-3 times, and its the same picture each time. All that remains of her are a facebook page, her obit online, and the memories we all have of her. It doesnt matter if you knew her a day, the entirety of her life, or are only learning about her post-death, her memory will live on.

The first day I met her, I remember thinking how open she was, how well liked. I was 9 months pregnant. We met at Subway via a mutual friend- Miss C. Sadly, I dont even have Miss C to rely on to supplement my post, as she and I no longer talk.

Anyways, back to my memories. As I said, I was 9 months pregnant. I had never met this girl before, but Miss C claimed her to be her second best friend- I being the first- and I wanted to meet her. Im glad I did, because she was a great person. Even though she was essentially a stranger, she came to my baby shower- something that friends I had had for years didnt even bother with. Although she basically was a stranger, she helped my family move, even though she wasnt obligated to. And she was there in the hospital room for the entirety of my daughter’s birth-even the pushing. And her kindness didnt stop there. She walked State Street with a mutual friend and they came back with the cutest onsie ever for my daughter. I still have it, and always will. My daughter wore that for almost 2 years, probably wore it more than any other outfit she had honestly. And then a couple days later, went to a concert in my place with 2 of my best friends, chipped in to buy me a tshirt, wore it thru the concert then barged into my hospital room at midnight to give it to me.

She was around my daughter for the first year or so. I remember once my daughter projectile-puked across the living room, somewhere around 2 months I think- and we all laughed. She got her little brother to help out with mowing our yard. I helped her move some stuff from her gramma’s once- that was a trip! We drove to Milwaukee, got to her gramma’s, grabbed a few boxes… Well, there was, uh, an adult toy in one of the boxes. We are driving downtown Milwaukee on a busy weekend night, and she pulls this hot pink toy out, and starts waving it all around. OMG my face STILL goes red when I think of that- and Im extremely outspoken lol. This car full of teenaged boys pull up next to us at a stop light, and she starts causing a scene with her toy… And people thought I was insane/immature lol…

She introduced me to the Farmers Market on the capital square. She admitted to some pretty personal things in conversations with me. She once, randomly, stated that she was going to become Jewish, just because. Another time she was discussing Krishna and his views. Everything could be discussed with her, she was never shy. I mean it. We literally talked about everything- from sex to kids to religion to Hitler and his Nazis. Nothing was untouched. She came up with some crazy ideas, and had some pretty amazing thoughts.

This girl. She could always figure things out, she was the smart one, the one I least expected to fall into this trap.

A couple years ago she carnie-d for a local carnival. She decided since nothing was holding her in our lame town, she would go on the road with the carnival. There, she met her eventual downfall- Bob. Bob was an aspiring journalist who I thought had no talent- I had read several of his articles and thought that he was a off-ball writer, jumping all over the place with his writing… But then again, Im not a professional so I shouldnt really judge him soley upon this.

BUT what I can judge him on is his lack of tact when it comes to a blog post he made himself about a week ago. I am still at a loss of words when it comes to this damning post.

Pretty sure this covers how i felt within minutes of reading the damning post...

Pretty sure this covers how i felt within minutes of reading the damning post…

And although I orginally read his blog on 2/14, I am still pretty upset!!

I guess what I am the most upset about is how he put all of everything that happened to them, how they were using and abusing, and not paying attention to the emergency medication… How they moved from Wisconsin to the southwest, and then to the midwest (yes, there is more to the midwest than Wisconsin). How they had friends who got high with them, friends who put the drug before their kids (which I found extremely surprising, since my friend had a serious maternal streak and wanted kids worse than anything)… How they moved again, thinking they would be in a great place to kick the habit, and how the habit overtook them worse than before.

I think what really bothers me is how he describes his overdose, and how she tried so hard to bring him around, not knowing how to use the emergency medication. In fact, he goes into too much detail about both his overdose and her fatal one. She had siblings, parents, relatives. What if they were to stumble onto this, learn the entire ugly truth? I shudder to think how some of them might react. She was always an open girl, had a tendency to share too much too fast (probably why I liked her so much) but Im sure that those left behind didnt need to know all of that. I know that I am haunted by it– I can only imagine how those closer to her have and will react when they see it. And undoubtedly they will. When I searched just 2 of the 3 words in his blog title, it popped up on the first page of google…

Heroin is not a joke. You shouldnt play around with it, and if you are addicted, please please please try to get help and become clean, please.

Im grateful everyday that my friend BR got into legal trouble because of heroin, and was forced to clean up- she is amazing and I talk to her almost everyday, at least through snapchat if nothing else lol.

I think fondly of CC, who lost his life to heroin. I know his sisters grieve everyday for him, and I can only imagine how his parents feel.

God bless, and stay clean, please.

New blog directions…


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Originally I started this blog to highlight my weight loss and my wedding journeys. Well, since the wedding is being postponed until we actually have money for what we dream of. And I’m still attempting to lose weight, but it surely isn’t going as nicely as it has before!

So I was just paging through my old posts and noticed that the last couple have been very “everything”, so I have decided that this blog will now cover my life in gerenal. 




I was looking at apartment listings and found a really nice apartment on the north side of madison, a 2 bedroom that will accept Athena. I disclosed over the phone that I had gotten in over my head last year, and that my prior landlord had filed an eviction that was DISMISSED (makes all the difference, trust me!). She said that they would be willing to work with me and figure things out 🙂 So I am going to take a look at that tomorrow afternoon.

And then, I was cruising the job listings and found a night audit position. I emailed on it, and got an email back within 20 mins asking for an interview. So now I have an interview as well tomorrow.

And then we have girl scouts as well, which I am also excited about as well. I *was* going to do snowglobes with the girls, but I will have to postpone that as well since I dont have the jars yet, or the decorations for the inside. I also need to hit up the CBofP to open the troop checking acct. My coleader isnt having anything to do with the troop, and I havent gotten any of my other parents approved yet so a solo acct it is. I am SOOOO looking for ward to that drama lol. BUT since we are doing the cookie sales, and I have approximently $300 chilling in my wallet FOR GS, I really need to get that thing set up. As most know, I dont do so good with money lying around without being tempted to spend it lol


I found out today as well that my tax returns have been redirected towards my federal student loans. This means that I no longer have my tax return of $2200 to use towards our new place. Some scrounging will be done now, but I have a few ideas.

And, in the words of my sister Amanda, I will figure it out 🙂 I always do.

I have posted a wish upon the Hero Network (

I have also made a gofundme page (

And I am taking donations via paypal (


If you can help, have at it. Any help is worth it. And I will be paying it forward, I promise.


Be prepared, my next post is going to be a douzy…


Until then…

And its Valentine’s Day…

So, even if someone has already said this to you, Happy Valentine’s Day. 

Derek is at work currently, but should be home around 4ish. For Vday, I got him a new WiiU game that we can both play and a  package of Reese’s heart-shaped cups 🙂 I also got him a card, but uh DUH lol.

I am kind of anxious to see what he has for me- although I am not really expecting much. Flowers would be fine for me, maybe a card as well? I mean, you know how it is, you want to get something but cant always expect things with men lol.

For my sweet lil Lizzi G, we got her a hello Kitty set. I bought something from walmart that came with a stuffed animal, pail/tin thing, and a lotion. She also got Hello Kitty slippers and a roll of bubble tape- what can I say, Im a pretty awesome mom lol.


In other news…

Our lease is up on April 1st, and we are so ready to move back to Madison- which I might have mentioned before, I cant remember. So Ive been apartment shopping a lot lately. We are going to use our taxes to help get ourselves settled in somewhere. Sometimes this apartment search kills me. So many apartments available for single people or couples, but to find something that works for our family we will be raped essentially… If I ever get the chance to own an apartment complex, I will definitely do my best to help families because this is so frustrating… Its hard to find an apartment that will take a dog, or find a management company that is willing to overlook an eviction. Since I have technically 3- thanks to mom when I didnt even live with her, a storage unit that went out of business AFTER I had ended my lease, and then obviously our duplex last August- its harder to get a chance. Add the dog and the evictions together, and I feel completely unable to do anything on my own. I have started to toy with the idea of having someone else rent it under their name, and then we just pay the rent. Its something I want to talk to Dad about, actually, but who knows…. A private landlord versus a propert management company would be ideal but its hard as hell to find on craigslist…

Ive also been job hunting. I had an interview a week ago, and a second this past monday. On monday I was offered the job, but I dont like it and I am still trying to decide if I want to take it- Im supposed to start monday lol. But the hours suck horribly- 1130AM to 8PM. How the hell am I ever supposed to spend time with liz? And the days are M-Sat– one day off? Hmmm… And only $300 a week, which for 46 hrs a week, comes down to like $6.52/hr… And I think we can all agree I can make more as a waitress or working two part time jobs even. Derek thinks since it was offered I should take it and damn the hours… But the whole point of moving back to Madison is to have more time as a family and I would really like the ability to have and see my daughter lol. So I guess I will keep searching, and damn the consequences lol.

Now there is nothing on TV… grrrr


Anyways, until later….


Anxiety and emotions do not go together…


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I had a job interview on Friday of last week. I was asked back for a second interview and was feeling pretty damn proud of myself. The whole weekend I was giddy, thinking here’s my chance for a real job, for a real income, for real hours, and free evenings/weekends.

Well that dream was shattered this afternoon.The job offers $300 a week, plus a 25% commission. Sounds pretty sweet. 8 hours a day, mix of field and office work- sweet, no monotony. Constantly changing demographic, new people everyday. Sounds better.


Well, this nice job has horrific hours. Im looking for a 1st or 3rd shift job, something where I am home with my daughter in the evenings. I also want my potential job to be M-F, no weekends- more time for my daughter and boyfriend.

This job wants me Monday-Friday. And Saturdays. M-F the hours are 1130AM-8PM. Saturday, my hours are 9AM-3PM. Thats 46 hours. $300 a week divided by 46 work hours is $6.52 an hour. Sure, there’s commission, but…. 


I took the job. yeah, its the first one offered to me, but if we are moving back to Madison, then I need a job in Madison. Am I thrilled with this job? Hell-to-the-fuck-no. But it will work while I find something else. So I should just be happy that someone has faith that I am employable lol.


Meanwhiles…. I looked at an apartment today, which was a total waste of time. They would PROBABLY work with the eviction OR the dog, but with both against me, Im pretty fucked. Oh the simple days when I didnt have pets……………………. *insert some aggravated garbleygook here*. I kinda liked the place, it was a 2 bedroom on the south side of madison for less than 700. Was small and the kitchen was outdated but the couch would have fit just fine and the bedrooms would have worked. Oh well. Theres only like 8 million posts on craigslist lol. I have 2 showings scheduled tomorrow- a one bedroom apartment in Middleton that allows dogs ($750), and a 3 bedroom trailer on the south side ($800). I already know derek is going to say no to the trailer- its by madison’s sewer waste management facility- but a THREE bedroom/2 bath for ONLY 800, and free standing so if we have the surround sound on we only piss oursleves off?? Um, totally worth the possibility of stench lol. If I CAN manage to get it, im looking for potential roomates for the last bedroom. Note the smell of shit… And bull shit lol.


Im trying hard to be positive when everything else around me is seemingly negative. Derek is in a cabin fever slump too- and hopefully thats all it is. but so he has been super crabby as well and then the two of us being assholes together isnt working so well…. But now he is napping so hopefully he will wake with a better disposition lol

I guess another reason Im feeling shitty overall is cuz i feel like a shitty parent. Liz is staying with Al and Mary so she can attend Waunakee schools while Im stuck up here in portage. I feel like i dont spend enough time with her, and that im missing all the cool milestones, like reading and math and science and then when I do have her, she’s so used to being spoiled there that it basically spoils our time together. I know I am doing the right thing, but why does the right thing feel so damn shitty??

Other than my stress headache, not much more to add so adios…

Yeah Im alive….


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But… barely lol.

Got myself a nasty case of TMJ from eating a box of gobstoppers (Damn you Willie Wonka!!!!!!)

Sitting at home right now, watching a few clips from the super bowl but hopefully derek switches back to his video games…

While he’s playing, Im about to start hard core applying for jobs again. Looking everywhere, so basically Madison, Waunakee, Deforest… Something I can get to around 8 or so, after I drop liz off at 730 at school…

Waiting for my lawyer to let me know if/when we have another court date. As much as I hate them, the next few should be lots of fun *insert eye roll*.

Well, looks like the seahawks are gonna win the super bowl since ya know, its 29-0. I never was a broncos fan, but for a breif time I enjoyed the seahawks- a good ex-friend was a seahawks fan so I hope he’s watching and enjoying this. Especially since I heard that the seahawks havent won a SB before…

Dog is chewing on a bone- and being loud as hell too lol.

Tonight, against my better wishes, I allowed Liz to stay at Al and Marys over night. Since she is supposed to be attending WCS, and I dont have much gas, I thought it might just be easier for her to stay down there tonight. While I am hoping this is not an everyday thing, until Cale and I figure something out regarding schooling, this is my only option really. I dont have the gas to do these round trips, altho I am looking for a job down that way. But even if I found a job, I would still only be working to pay for the gas, not get ahead.

Speaking of getting ahead, Derek and I were talking about that again tonight. He wants us to be able to afford to go out to eat when it strikes our fancy, or see a movie in the theater or pay the outrageous prices to go to Cascade and ski. I dont know how to ski, nor does Lizzi, so while we are on the bunny slopes learning, Derek will be learning to snowboard 😛


Ok, SB commercials are kinda scary. Altho the Audi commercial with Dobowawa’s was extremely funny…


                         I mean, cute, but kinda out there…


Ok so IDK what else to say, so I think Im gonna check on my downloads and go from there…


Stay warm…


So apparently the wedding is currently and possibly indefinitely postponed. Dont want to talk about it, although we are still engaged and still together…

Our landlords who have major drinking problems have decided that we need to move and we received a 30 day notice today. Jokes on them tho lol.

Lizzi is driving me up a wall– she must be up my butt every chance she gets.

Im so ready to move back to Waunakee. If only there was something there for me lol.

I wish I had money to buy a house. Its a pipedream that will never come true I fear. I found two beautiful homes I want here in town (one for 120K and the other for 60K… house payments would be between 200-500 a month depending on which we went for lol). I wish my dad would help me with this, All we need is the money for the down payment (5-10K) and someone to either cosign or set it up in their name… Both pretty major things so who knows. But both homes are 3 bedrooms and totally workable for our budgets. I wish I could talk dad into coming and taking a look at them lol


Anyways, I dont really know what else to write im pretty upset right now still so…


A reception Venue…

I actually got derek to share some venue ideas with me today… Unfortunantly, he has extremely lofty sights… Like the Wilderness or Chula Vista or Kalahari. This man is CRAZY.

I did just make a call to a local hotel that offers a couple meeting rooms, and decent prices. Hopefully the lady calls me back and we can figure out if they have our date available.

I also sent a request for Madison Marriott West to contact me about what they might have available as well.

Last night I was kinda toying with the idea of changing the wedding date… But I really like the date we have lol. Its still nice enough for an outdoor ceremony… Its still nice enough for outdoor pictures… Its still nice and bright for extra hours (in case of outdoor reception)…

If only my pocketbook was full enough to pay for a super nice establishment so I wouldnt have to worry about it…

And then theres the thought… if I find a venue up here, do I do the ceremony up here, or in Madison (we want capitol pix)… and what about transportation? What if we did the ceremony at like 11 AM and didnt have the reception until 5 or 6 PM? Would that deter ppl from wanting to come? I mean, it would give us several hours to do our pictures (like I want) but….

Ugh and to appease my father I just called Pringfeild Inn and asked about their reception venue possibilities… I have a meeting with Kendall (who is male) to take a look on Wednesday the 22nd at 430. I feel… off? about it, but I guess if price wise it works and I can have whatever I need, then w/e…


Ugh. My headache worsens. I must go for now…

Not directly related to the Wedding but….


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So. It isnt DIRECTLY related to the wedding, but does have some impact on it…


We need money. We need more money. Either that means I find a second job (on top of Subway and Avon) or Derek gets more hours or we sell something (we have nothing to sell) but we need to do something. We will never be able to afford the wedding at this rate.

Hell, who cares about the wedding, we can barely afford our bills :/

I can feel an anxiety attack or panic attack on its way and I cant stop it… 


On the bright side, Im putting in job applications and whatnot. And scrounging pennies in the meantime lol.



I did hear back from CGC and they are booked solid. Not just for September, but for August and October as well! So CGC is outta the question for the venue 😦  But Derek and I talked about wedding things today and I’m going to call a few VFW halls tomorrow about costs and availability… There’s one off of CV I think on the north side of Madison by the airport that I used to go to all the time as a child with my parents for Sunday brunch. I wouldn’t mind that one, I think it would work for us 🙂


In other wedding news, there is none. lol. All I’m worried about is the budget and doing the best I can with what little resources we have for it.


Ok, Im outta here…


Small update, but…


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So I just tried to call CGC. I need to talk to Sister Grant, but she is out of office today as she is not feeling well (healing prayers, Sister Grant!) I left a detailed message, letting her know what I needed and whatnot, and gave her two ways to contact me. Kinda wish that I could talk to her inperson regarding it, but oh well. I can meet with her Wednesday night if need be. 


I know that Derek does NOT want to get married in Waunakee, so that is out of the questions. I am secretly hoping and praying that CGC is available for our date! Its gorgeous on the inside, the chapel would be AWESOME in our colors. As for the reception area, the “great room” is the typical school cafeteria sized room. So that is large enough for our 10-12 tables and a dance area. There is also a PA system in there already, so that might help with costs as well. They also have a HUGE yard on the property, so we could take advantage of having an outdoor reception if weather agrees lol 🙂



Something else on my mind: Liz is home for the next two weeks from school. She has not been vaccinated for chicken pox, per my personal choice. While the school allows her to attend without having all of her inoculations (its the only one she is missing), another student in her school HAS chicken pox right now. Apparently, because of Health Department regulations, she is unable to attend school for the next two weeks or so. Sure, I *could* get her vaccinated for it, but I’m really kinda against it. That’s my viewpoint, and I’m sticking to it lol. I am however not just letting her play and watch TV, she is working on school work, reading outloud to me, and working on math flashcards. Homeschooling moms get all sorts of props from me now lol.


Maybe later, Shannon

On darcy and the wedding :)


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So Im on the phone with my photographer, Darcy, talking about wedding things. Shes come up with panini stations for food, or a buffet. Or maybe a roasted pig. Or a sub station. And cupcakes. And all sorts of yumminess. She also thinks I should ask around for some help if we do the buffet thing and kinda potluck it to help cut costs.

And we could decorate the night before, and store food the night be for, and all sorts of awesomeness. 

And maybe do a shorter reception, ending at like 10, and then go bar hopping or something.


She’s smart 🙂 And awesome. And thats why she is my photographer.

And now she tells me that her brother is a DJ and her step sister does cakes… wtf. Im gonna pay that family lol!


I really need to call CGC. And I mean like NOW. 🙂


omg darcy in pintresting a bunch of stuff for me… Im kinda scared! I think she just searched red, white and blue themed parties!


ok, BBL!!


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