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So Derek and I have broken up. As of 3AM on 6-6-14, I have been a single woman.

 

How do I feel, you ask? Im not really sure. I spent several hours crying uncontrollably. However, I have suspected this might happen for a few months now and so the action of it finally happening has me numb? Im not really sure how to describe how I feel. I mean, its only been 17 hours since the decision.

Altho I am not sure you could call it a decision. I recieved a text from him… it said :

“The only thing thats gonna fix everything is you gone. Im tired of your bs”

 

But then he did change his facebook status to single earlier this afternoon as well, which hit me hard but I was strong and didnt cry (surprisingly– and barely)

 

I am doing my best to work through this period in my life, and I just dont know what to do.

 

I feel lost and alone, I feel ok, I feel devastated, I feel happy. Thats the part that worries me. Ive been in a relatively good mood for the day, thanks to my friend Emily. Shes been keeping me busy, talking about all sorts of stuff thats random. And now she’s all down for going to Segrados, and Im seriously thinking about it. Why not take some time to do me, to worry bout my own shit, before surfacing back to the real world tomorrow?

 

Dont get me wrong, I love Derek with all my heart. But maybe this break is for the best? I might feel lost, but maybe I am swimming out to sea, to a whole new world. 

 

Two years gone. Two years and lots of love. My daughter wondering where daddy is, why daddy isnt staying with us at Grama’s. My friends afraid to say the wrong thing. Friends who tell me im better off, friends who say he will come to his senses. My mom says that we are welcome to stay there, even tho theres not much space (which beats what my dad told me, but he’s a man and we know how they are). My sister and her girlfriend gave me hugs and waved off my apologies of waking them while moving in. My gal Nordy, who has my back but is helping Derek work thru his issues too. A dog, a cat and two rats. In two years we made quite a family. And yet, in just an hour, it went to hell in a hand basket.

 

I know Im kinda rambling, and Im sorry for that, but hey you are the one who stuck around. And I only got an hour of sleep last night so… 

 

ok Im signing off now…

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